Comment Wall

(Personal Photo to inspire writing)

Comments

  1. Hey, Shaun!

    You've got a really intriguing concept here for your project -- combining the traditional Christian dogma with the Wiccan elements makes for a fusion that you wouldn't normally expect. However, as exemplified by this first story, you've spliced them together in a way that jives pretty well and made good use of the parallels that they carry.

    I think you could do some really amazing visual things with this theme. For example, that Wiccan Altar picture looks straight out of a movie or D&D module. What if you made your website theme look like the site itself was an altar or the inside of that book that you have a picture of? I think you could have the coolest visuals of all the projects with something like that. Of course, I'm not sure what's possible on Google Sites -- just spitballing.

    I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this!

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  2. Hi Shaun!

    Your project seems to be off to a great start. You definitely have a knack for writing, the narrative style flows really well and your use of dialogue is really beautiful. A few stylistic elements to your site; perhaps it is worth considering putting something on the title slide? Whether it be just a quick introduction or link to the comment wall (here) to make it easier to find for people wanting to leave feedback. I like the way you have just a text body on your first page. It really brings focus onto the content of your writing. I wonder how the tone would shift at the end if you added a sort of cliffhanger or inclination as to what the main body of the plot will be. I am so curious to read what happens next! You are off to a great start and I can't wait to see what else you add to your project.

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  3. Hi Shaun,

    Your first story is quite an interesting one! I have read the biblical account of creation many many times; the parallels were clearly evident. If Christianity were not a monotheistic religion, I could totally see the creation story in the Bible being similar to the one you wrote. I found it interesting the route you took with Adam and Eve. Was there a particular reason why you chose not to have Eve be created as well? I ask because you included Adam and the Garden of Eden, but nothing on her. I assume there is more to come that will touch on her? I think it would be cool to read about your spin on her as well, if any. Nonetheless, you've got some solid writing here that is going in a great direction. I hope you'll think ups some more interesting stories/themes to write on in the near future.

    Best of luck!
    -Lance J.

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  4. Hey Shaun,

    I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed your story. I think that your overall setup of your site is also really cool. One thing I think you should do is add a place on your home page with a link to the comment wall so it is easier to access. I also really admired your style of writing and can tell you most certainly aren't new to this. I also am super interested to continue reading your stories. I liked how you left the story with a loose end. I am really interested to see how you finish the story or add more parts to it. I think that overall you certainly are off to a great start and I think that once you get a couple more stories it will be really good. I am looking forward to see what else you add and what stories you choose to do. Great job so far!

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  5. Hey Shaun,

    First of all, I absolutely enjoyed getting to read your story! The writing style was really unique and very descriptive, which allows the reader to really invest in the story and care about the characters. I like how the story also ends on kind of a loose end, where it does not quite have a definite ending, which I think is really cool and creative. I also love the website layout! I really like the use of images to set the tone and familiarize the reader with the story. I think you could benefit from putting a comment wall link on your home page, however. I cannot wait to see the full project come to fruition, and I really have enjoyed your unique writing style. Keep it up, and I know this will be even better the next time I look at it!

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  6. Hey there Shaun,
    This was quite an awesome read. I can tell that you put a lot of time and effort into the story, because it was so enjoyable for the student reading. It was very clear the biblical account’s ties and parallels to this story. I thought it was very interesting the route that you took with adam and eve. The setup of your site was very cool, and very navigable for the reader. One possible thing that you could do to help the reader is post a link to your comment wall on your website. I really admire your writing style in these stories and I definitely look forward to analyzing it more in future stories.I think that overall you have a great start and that you definitely have a rhythm rolling with the stories that you have published currently. I look forward to seeing where this project continues for you from here, and I am for sure going to read more of your stories.

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  7. Hi Shaun!
    I think I've read both of these stories in previous weeks, but I enjoyed the refresher. I'm really curious whether you'll continue to focus on creation stories or if it's more of a coincidence that your first two have that theme. I also found your author's notes helpful in understanding the stories, since I'm not really familiar with either one. I especially like how you pointed out the heteronormativity of the second story and how you changed it to be more equal.
    The pictures are very fitting, although over all, I think your project could use more color! Your header is pretty narrow, which makes the rest of the page feel pretty big and white. I also would really enjoy a little introduction to your portfolio (although I know that's not a required part of the portfolio assignment). I just think it would be helpful to have an idea of what your focus is going to be!

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  8. Hi Shaun,

    Your website looks really good. Keeping with this week's feedback theme, I will focus on your images. I think that your banner image for your home page looks fantastic. Is really good quality and looks excellent with the overall theme of the website.

    I like the image that you use in the "New Creation" story. I would recommend making the new testament the banner image instead of having two images in the background. If is cutting off the image too much, try changing the header type to a bigger size. I would also recommend using a different picture for your story "Queer Worlds." I think having a different background for each page would enhance the imagery of the story. Also, I think the concept of your project is awesome and very creative. I look forward to looking at the completed project and reading more stories from you.

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  9. Hi Shaun,

    I really enjoy all the stories I read from you! I can tell you appreciate this class and put a lot of effort into each story you write! This class will no doubt help improve your writing skills for that book you aspire to one day write and publish. I remember how much your faith means to you so I find it great that your first two stories on your page have been creation stories. Your author's notes are very helpful and informative, which is something I could improve on so reading yours helps push me in that direction. All around I like your design, I think your personality shines through. Keep up the good work!

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  10. Hi Shaun,

    I believe this is my second post for your project. In this post, I will focus on your story "Queer Worlds." First, I wanted to point out a couple of parallels between your first and second stories, in that they are both about creation. They are both in different mythologies, but I like the creation theme you got going on.

    You know, I never pictured Izanagi and Izanami as drag Queens, but you do such a good job describing their appearance that it is hard for me to think of them as anything else. I thought your story was really fun and creative.

    For your author's note, you do a great job of providing background information for the original story. You also describe in detail the changes you made and your thought process in creating the story. However, you did not mention that the original story was a Japanese creation myth. I am familiar with the story, so I knew, but other readers might not know that.

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  11. Hi there Shaun!

    I thought the way that you blended mythologies was really interesting. Thinking about the story after I read it, the Author’s Note was super helpful. As I was reading I was intrigued but a little confused about where some of the ideas were coming from- I saw the picture of the Bible and while some aspects of this creation myth felt familiar, others didn’t, and I wondered where you got the ideas. It was really engaging to read and the diction made the story feel ancient and sacred. In the beginning, some of the wording was a little confusing, but ultimately I feel like it made sense. In your second myth, I wonder if you could describe the dress instead of comparing it to Cinderella’s—while this is super effective in getting the reader to visualize the dress, it doesn’t seem to fit with the rest of your story and your gorgeous description of the gold dress. As with the other story, your author's note was super informative!

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  12. Hi Shaun,
    I am really enjoying your site. The first story was very interesting and I like how you combined aspects of different mythologies in your story to create a unique creation story. I think your paragraph spacing is en pointe too.
    Your next story I loved from the start. It is about 2 drag queens so how could I not? I love these two fabulous powerful queer queens! It is such a cute and happy story. Your goal to create a fun story was definitely achieved!
    Your last story was my favorite. I love fairy tales, but I have been longing for some queer content. I really hope disney comes out with a lesbian princess and more gay characters. I would love to see a movie version of your story. And actually, I think it would be a really cool idea to rewrite all the most famous and popular fairy tales but make them gay. I want to do this now!
    Great job on your project, I highly enjoyed reading it.
    Good luck on finals.
    Have a good week,
    Ann

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  13. Hi Shaun!
    I am coming from the Indian Epics class. This is my first time looking at projects from the Myth and Folklore class. I am glad I came across yours. The look of your project is very cohesive and on theme. I enjoyed reading your stories. I personally really enjoy creation stories. So in reference to your first story, I really liked it. I enjoyed that you put your own twist to it. I noticed the different elements that you took inspiration from. Your story was unique and memorable because of this. I appreciate the amount of detail that you include in your work.
    Good luck with the rest of the semester!

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  14. Hey Shaun,
    You have a very interesting and intriguing concept for your project. I would completely taken off guard and I think that’s also why I was so eager to read. You have combined some polar opposite topics and I think you have really pulled this off well. However, I wish there were some more visuals, because you could really do some great visuals! I really enjoyed reading your story, I think it’s something different and that is really refreshing! Keep up that good work and I hope you have a great rest of the semester!

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